Finding the Courage to Forge Ahead

I was sitting in Mass this morning, listing to our Priest's, Father Del's Homily - which was very great!  He was talking about lent, and life, and our approach to it all.  The basic message, as I understood it, was that oftentimes, when we find ourselves on the top of the world, we just want to stay there, change nothing, do nothing, just enjoy it a while and simply be.  This is exactly where we were after our family was complete with the birth of our fourth son Peter.  We lived in "happy town" (thanks P.M.) and we were loving life!  But just as quickly, our world came to a crashing halt with Patrick's diagnosis.  We need to figure out how we were going to move forward with our lives, how we were going to approach our life now, how/if we were going to tell our other kids, and how we were going to tell them.

This is the only place where Josh and I differed.  We are usually always on the same page regarding the major decisions in our lives, and this caught us off guard a bit.  I wanted to plaster it and shout it from the roof tops!  This is who we are - take us or leave us - I really didn't care - and still don't.  Just wait until I tell you about our Christmas Photo this first  year.  To come in a future post.

Josh, wanted to take a softer, more quieter approach.  And I am not sure if this is the difference between Men and Women, or just us two, but I didn't want to be quiet about it at all.  I didn't want to be in your face with it either.  I  just wanted to be.  There was nothing we did to cause Patrick's Autism, and there was nothing we could do to "cure" it.  This is what today's Homily message resonated with me the most about.  Here was a crucial point of how we were going to deal with our lives moving forward.  Both of us knew we didn't want to put our heads in the sand and ignore it.  However, we had three other kids to raise too, and we didn't want to become so consumed in one kid, that the other three boys were left to fend for them selves.  Did we have the courage to really embrace the diagnosis and develop a family approach to being a family, and coping as a family, or would we hide and work around Patrick's disorder...Would we have the courage to forge ahead?

Looking back Josh and I actually had this discussion.  I cried my way through it, and he spoke very passionately about how we needed to be a "normal" (yep he said the "n" word!) family.  I remember thinking, we are normal, we aren't different, we simply can't let Patrick not be "normal".  This is a really critical point in our early lives.  We made the conscious decision to be "normal".  This meant we would not live two separate lives - one with Patrick, and one without Patrick, so he could be more comfortable.  We were going to have to make him comfortable, or teach him coping skills - so he would be comfortable with all of us together.  Josh and I would simply not have it any other way.

Do you know the song by +The Clash - Should I stay or Should I go?  Well this was not an option for us.  We would go, and continue to go.  Patrick and the folks we would visit, would simply have to cope, and we would need a TON of Patience!  It was hard, REALLY, REALLY hard!  For our child, who needed structure, a set schedule, to have defined variables on picture schedules, and understand what would happen, and when I would happen was critical.  Well, we threw that right out the window!  It would not work for our family.  I KNOW!  Some of you are probably pulling your hair out now thinking what a disservice we did for our son.  But this decision, like the dead bolts on our doors, was one we made for our family.  And it has worked!  I encourage you to take a look at your family, how you want it to be and the needs of all of your children before forging ahead.  This decision was the biggest to date for us.  But when we actually found the courage to face our real lives, and embrace who we were and are, with all of our faults and challenges, we began to go back to that happy place.

Our boys have been the biggest blessings in our lives - besides each other.  They amaze, frustrate, us daily.  Between Josh and I, we think - at times - we are not a good DNA combination (that's both typical and non typical sons).  But all joking aside - Its a good thing to celebrate and reflect on the decisions we've made.  God has had an awful lot of fun watching us to date, but I also think he is smiling down at us for finding our courage, and moving forward.  The journey is not an easy one, and there are days we remind each other to take the next step, but we are in it together, and we have all of our family and friends.

So, it was with this courage, feeling up and armed with our Vision, Mission and Goals for Patrick's EIBI therapy, we entered into this program, and walked into the very next down.

Will you share your thoughts on your journey with me?  If you want to talk, I'll meet you at the corner of Hope and Love.