The first thing we learned, was that we were not going to get a grade on our homework assignment. We weren't even going to get to read to the class what our EIBI business statements were! I am so glad I didn't create the power point presentation I was thinking of for this session! I could feel my disappointment coming on. I was confident about our business plan, or at least the only part that had been developed to date, and I wanted to compare. And I wouldn't get a chance to...But I had to remain positive, and focused!
We then were told that in order to achieve a desired behavior - in anything that Patrick would do - we needed to create a positive reward system. Which meant we need to remove anything that he loved from his life for the next two weeks! AHHHHHH, not sure how this is going to work. That meant hiding his main lovie (stuffed animal +Gund Lion blanket (this is the BEST thing. Think of a flat pillow pet with a stuffed animal head, and the softest most snugglie material and you've got it! - by the way, if you EVER find one of these, please email me immediately. Our lion is getting very well loved, and we have no replacement for it, and it goes with him everywhere!) We had to hide his Teletubbies dolls, all of his DVD's and Video's (no +Barney, +Teletubbies, +Dora), up in the closet went his +Fisher Price Bus, all of the electronic +Leap Frog Toys, pretty much everything Patrick has ever had an interest in, or played with would need to be put away. I remember looking at Josh and thinking this could not happen! How would/could we do this? Patrick was going to freak out! He loved watching TV! He would jump and watch for hours. He would constantly recite the scripts from the videos he watched, he was a walking archive of +Dora stories, and +Teletubbie scripts, what would he do? What would we do???
Well Dr. Kim had loads of things for us to begin doing with Patrick. She asked us to begin with +Floortime play (+Dr. Greenspan's book - +Floortime, is highly recommended). We would begin to teach Patrick how to play - the "normal/typical" way. We would work on appropriate use of +Little People, and how to play with matchbox cars. The list of possibilities was endless, and only limited to our creative minds. I knew I couldn't do this. I needed a list, some idea starters, how do you teach a child to play? My sense of disappointment was growing and a close second was my sense of frustration. I was beginning to understand, this program was not a cookie cutter program with clearly defined steps we could follow. We were going to have to work, and work hard! How could I/we take this on? How could we not?!
So, of course, my eyes welled up, and I bowed my head and tried to calm down. Well, this was simply not a good strategy. Josh was getting frustrated with me, and Dr. Kim was moving on to the next area. CRUD! I really needed to pull it together! But I was completely overwhelmed - maybe Patrick got his +Autism from me???
Somehow I managed to take a deep breath, and began to refocus on the class. Dr. Kim was talking about neutral expressions. And how we always needed to walk around with our neutral expression at the ready. Neutral expression?!?!? How could I especially, always have a neutral expression? I wore my emotions like my favorite pair of boots, and still do! How would I be able to maintain a neutral expression, void of emotions. AND to add icing to this rotten cake, I had to be able to maintain a neutral tone!
My sense of failure was mounting exponentially! There was absolutely no way would I be able to have a neutral expression and TONE! I can't even hear my tone (and yes, this is one of my biggest faults!) How could this emotional, tone deaf mother be able to control her emotions and work with her son to achieve those business goals attain the Mission? I have no idea! And to be honest, I still have absolutely no idea! I fail miserably numerous times a day. But that's where Patience comes into play. If there is one thing, and there are many, but the one thing I have learned in working with Patrick is patience. (but only with him;-)).
Neutral means you can't laugh when they do that funny thing that is so cute, but you know they shouldn't be doing it. Neutral means when they are trowing a massive tantrum in the middle of +Target and everyone is looking at you like you just beat him over the head with a frying pan, and all you really want to do is haul his fanny up out of the shopping cart and get him to the car! (yep, been there, done that!) Neutral, with Patrick, is not allowing him to have even the slightest indication (we are talking the size of molecules here) that he has done something bad, or that angers, disappoints, frustrates, hurts, etc. Now, lets remember he is between the ages of three and four...which means at least in my household, he was headed for the Terrible Twos a year or two late.
My frustration was quickly replaced with a very lengthy list of Hows
How do we discipline?
How do we celebrate?
How do we correct?
How do we teach?
How do we play?
How do we parent?
How do we not be inconsistent with our other Kids?................................................................
and the list goes on and on.
Now, I'll use my Dad's favorite expression, "Don't feel like the Lone Ranger," but at this point in the training, we really did. We had no idea how to begin and I knew Josh was relying on me to get things under control and clarified.
This class was also where we learned how to teach skills, how to assess and establish learning goals based on the "skills" Dr. Kim and I would determine he needed to learn. We learned how to do an initial trail, and how to break skills down into easily mastered sections which would ultimately roll up into one mastered skill. Breaking things down would also be another challenge, that I would eventually over come, but it took a lot of practice!! And Patience.
Early on we had: how to play, feature/function and class, sorting, matching, potty training (and we did this in 48 hours! no kidding!). I'll review his list of early programs and try to provide a list of necessary resources for each one. At least the resources we used.
We also reviewed a list of positive reward items for Patrick. This began with food for us, since we were going to remove all of his favorite toys in the beginning, and then eventually we would be allowed to bring them back in a measured approach. For us, this was a great way to remove the +Teletubbies from our lives (but I am also sad that Peter didn't get to experience the Tubbies like our other three boys did! And here come the tears...Looking back, we would never know the impact of our approach on our other kids. Would Peter be severely hindered if he didn't get to watch +Teletubbies? I feel like the tootsie roll commercial - How many licks does it take to get to the center of a
Positive Reward items for us in the beginning were:
Small snack pack bags of +Oreo cookies (he would receive a half of one of the small cookies)
+Fruit Loops(R) Cereal (he would receive 2 loops)
Pretzel knots - small - (he would receive one knot)
Bubbles
Echo Microphone
Pink Lips Kazoos
These were his positive reinforcements. We would use these as his motivation to do good work. After he did good work, he would get to have his reward. We however learned that he needed to select his reward item before doing his work, because Patrick loved to change his mind, and it would ultimately lead to a power struggle and tantrum.
Next post, I'll try to explain how we set up his therapy room, and my 911 phone call. Can't wait to see you at the Corner of Hope and Love!
