Friday, May 17, 2013
From the Corner of Hope and Love: This is us...Be who you are...
From the Corner of Hope and Love: This is us...Be who you are...: Sorry to have had such a lapse in posts. I have been working through where to take this Blog and the value of our family's experiences....
This is us...Be who you are...
Sorry to have had such a lapse in posts. I have been working through where to take this Blog and the value of our family's experiences...
So I thought I would take the time to encourage you to be who you are. Just because you have a child with Autism, doesn't mean you need to change the way your family works. This is one of the major things Josh and I have been in lock step about, with one exception, which I will share a little bit later in this post.
You can't change the fact that Autism has entered into your life, so why not embrace it? We feel it has been a real blessing to our family. We have grown so much in our love for each other, and our boys have grown and learned so much! Valuable lessons that are difficult to teach! And even better examples to other individuals who simply have no idea.
Our son Matthew (who was de-throned as the baby of the family when Patrick was born) has an incredible reaction to the word retarded. This is how he sees Patrick's disorder, and feels the word retarded is almost the worst word in the english language. He will snap your head off - and has. I have watched it, and have had family witness it too. It is a wonderful thing to hear your child defend someone who is less fortunate. I don't want to use the word Proud, but it definitely warms your heart, and my mom peacock feathers just spread out wide and beautiful when I have experienced it! It is very interesting to see how dated the majority of the American population is in their thoughts regarding Autism and development delay disorders. So many people put all of this in a bucket called "Retarded." This is one of the worst of the bad words in our household. Our kids are not "retarded," they have experienced a developmental delay. Some more severe than others, but ALL are God's creation, His precious blessings, and gifts of grace. I pray we continue to encourage each other to stay strong and work to educate and change the perception. Our kids have possibilities, opportunities and capabilities. (now you can see why Matthew reacts so strongly to this word;-))
Our oldest son Jack has spoken several times to his class mates and his school about Autism and having a brother with Autism. I have so many nice letters and emails from our friends, parents of kids and teachers who tell me what a nice job he does. Jack is many things, but my favorite is Big Brother. Always looking out for his younger siblings, has the patience of Job with his two youngest brothers and is a rock star in their eyes!
And the youngest Peter, is probably Patrick's best friend and best gift. Peter doesn't let Patrick get away with much, and what a blessing that is! It is also comforting to know we have three sons who will always be there for Patrick to love, care and watch out for him when Josh and I no longer can...
So why tell you all of this now...because we really are a very normal family, or typical as the PC way to state it these days. Yes, we have a child on the Spectrum, who has Autism (he is not AUTISTIC! this is another description that drives me CRAZY! Autistic is not a characterization like blonde, fat, or white. It is a disorder, so please change the way you characterize this children, and others will follow you!) We don't run, or hide the fact that we are a family with a child on the spectrum. And frankly don't understand why people would want to hide it. Patrick's condition has nothing to do with Josh or I. We didn't cause it...but we can help him cope and possibly get better.
And he has! We didn't hide from the diagnosis, as hard as it was. We embraced it. And let people know about it. Josh and I made the decision almost one month into this stage of our lives that we would not hide it from anyone...And this was a battle. Josh didn't want us to effect the lives of our other three kiddos. I felt like why shouldn't they know. They will obviously see the tutors going in and out of our house on a daily basis. They clearly know something is different with Patrick, so why not teach them about it so they can lead and teach others? This took a lot of convincing on my part, and finally Josh said okay. And guess what...our world didn't come to an end! We didn't lose friends, in fact we gained so many!
What is even more strange is two of my friends from childhood and one of my friends from college all have kids on the spectrum! Now, if we all can't get together and share, cry, laugh and support each other, then I don't know who should!
I know I am rambling a bit, hopefully you can see past all of it to receive the following message...Embrace who your family is today, tomorrow and forever! Because this is who the Carroll's are, and I wouldn't do a single thing to change it (okay, maybe lose a few pounds, but that's it).
So to share another quick story, the Christmas after we had our diagnosis, I wanted to send out our family Christmas card. I bought these horrible red snowflake sweaters for all of us and marched us down to the local photography studio to get the picture taken. Well, here we are...shell shocked and holding it together with staples and tooth picks. Don't we look like the happy family...So when things look bad, and you need a little pick me up, just think of the Carroll Family Christmas card and smile. It could be worse, you could be wearing matching red snowflake sweaters ;-) And yes, Josh won the card battle, but this photo still hangs on our wall! A reminder that with a little Hope, a dash Faith, and a whole lot of LOVE, we can get through anything...
Come and visit us. We're all waiting at the corner of Hope and Love. See you soon!
So I thought I would take the time to encourage you to be who you are. Just because you have a child with Autism, doesn't mean you need to change the way your family works. This is one of the major things Josh and I have been in lock step about, with one exception, which I will share a little bit later in this post.
You can't change the fact that Autism has entered into your life, so why not embrace it? We feel it has been a real blessing to our family. We have grown so much in our love for each other, and our boys have grown and learned so much! Valuable lessons that are difficult to teach! And even better examples to other individuals who simply have no idea.
Our son Matthew (who was de-throned as the baby of the family when Patrick was born) has an incredible reaction to the word retarded. This is how he sees Patrick's disorder, and feels the word retarded is almost the worst word in the english language. He will snap your head off - and has. I have watched it, and have had family witness it too. It is a wonderful thing to hear your child defend someone who is less fortunate. I don't want to use the word Proud, but it definitely warms your heart, and my mom peacock feathers just spread out wide and beautiful when I have experienced it! It is very interesting to see how dated the majority of the American population is in their thoughts regarding Autism and development delay disorders. So many people put all of this in a bucket called "Retarded." This is one of the worst of the bad words in our household. Our kids are not "retarded," they have experienced a developmental delay. Some more severe than others, but ALL are God's creation, His precious blessings, and gifts of grace. I pray we continue to encourage each other to stay strong and work to educate and change the perception. Our kids have possibilities, opportunities and capabilities. (now you can see why Matthew reacts so strongly to this word;-))
Our oldest son Jack has spoken several times to his class mates and his school about Autism and having a brother with Autism. I have so many nice letters and emails from our friends, parents of kids and teachers who tell me what a nice job he does. Jack is many things, but my favorite is Big Brother. Always looking out for his younger siblings, has the patience of Job with his two youngest brothers and is a rock star in their eyes!
And the youngest Peter, is probably Patrick's best friend and best gift. Peter doesn't let Patrick get away with much, and what a blessing that is! It is also comforting to know we have three sons who will always be there for Patrick to love, care and watch out for him when Josh and I no longer can...
So why tell you all of this now...because we really are a very normal family, or typical as the PC way to state it these days. Yes, we have a child on the Spectrum, who has Autism (he is not AUTISTIC! this is another description that drives me CRAZY! Autistic is not a characterization like blonde, fat, or white. It is a disorder, so please change the way you characterize this children, and others will follow you!) We don't run, or hide the fact that we are a family with a child on the spectrum. And frankly don't understand why people would want to hide it. Patrick's condition has nothing to do with Josh or I. We didn't cause it...but we can help him cope and possibly get better.
And he has! We didn't hide from the diagnosis, as hard as it was. We embraced it. And let people know about it. Josh and I made the decision almost one month into this stage of our lives that we would not hide it from anyone...And this was a battle. Josh didn't want us to effect the lives of our other three kiddos. I felt like why shouldn't they know. They will obviously see the tutors going in and out of our house on a daily basis. They clearly know something is different with Patrick, so why not teach them about it so they can lead and teach others? This took a lot of convincing on my part, and finally Josh said okay. And guess what...our world didn't come to an end! We didn't lose friends, in fact we gained so many!
What is even more strange is two of my friends from childhood and one of my friends from college all have kids on the spectrum! Now, if we all can't get together and share, cry, laugh and support each other, then I don't know who should!
I know I am rambling a bit, hopefully you can see past all of it to receive the following message...Embrace who your family is today, tomorrow and forever! Because this is who the Carroll's are, and I wouldn't do a single thing to change it (okay, maybe lose a few pounds, but that's it).
So to share another quick story, the Christmas after we had our diagnosis, I wanted to send out our family Christmas card. I bought these horrible red snowflake sweaters for all of us and marched us down to the local photography studio to get the picture taken. Well, here we are...shell shocked and holding it together with staples and tooth picks. Don't we look like the happy family...So when things look bad, and you need a little pick me up, just think of the Carroll Family Christmas card and smile. It could be worse, you could be wearing matching red snowflake sweaters ;-) And yes, Josh won the card battle, but this photo still hangs on our wall! A reminder that with a little Hope, a dash Faith, and a whole lot of LOVE, we can get through anything...
Come and visit us. We're all waiting at the corner of Hope and Love. See you soon!
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